Driving along on the way to the gym. Turning the corner, slowly, lots of traffic, lots of people coming and going from a farm market that is congesting the area. Slowly turning the corner, you hear a honking. What on earth is that honking about? Thinking as quick as you can on a hot, sunny Sunday morning, and looking about, you see no impending crash coming your way, no blatant disregard for the rules of this road.
Then you see it. A middle-aged, man, driving a small convertible with the top down, comes alongside of you, very quickly passing on your left on a sort-of one-lane road, and gets ahead just as quickly as they can, and tailgating the car ahead of you, or them.
You drive along at your pace, not having slowed down for this crazy sun-addled moron, and next thing you know,
YOU’RE ALONGSIDE THEM WHILE THEY WAIT FOR A CHANCE TO MAKE A LEFT TURN!!!!!
This crazy person has harassed, endangered, yes, frightened you and now is stuck stuck stuck like a fly on a glue-trap, waiting for the cars to clear for a left turn.
What do you do?
Here are the choices:
- Drive past on the right, politely, at a normal speed for the small street, looking straight ahead;
- Pull up alongside the man’s right, roll down the window and holler “What’s your problem, idiot?” and wait for a response;
- Blare your horn as you slow down in passing the man, so that his exposed head, ears and brain are painfully stricken with your sound, as long and as loudly as you can, even though it’s going to scare anyone else, including pedestrians, cars, (hopefully not the police).
I took #3.
Oh, wait a minute. I’m not being original here. The man in the convertible is sticking his finger up in the air, and since he has no roof over his ‘this is your brain on drugs’ head, it’s visible to the whole town.
#3 includes sticking your middle finger out the window should you wish. So, the very last scene in this painful scenario, is that you roll down your window and stick your whole arm out with finger extended, and it’s too late because the man has made the turn and is hidden from view. Forever lost in a mist of anonymity. Forever a sweet sweet memory of venting frustration and inwardly screaming hate and animosity.
May he rot in hell. No, I’m a good person. May be see the error of his ways, remorsefully understand he is not a bad person, not endure a flat tire or breakdown of any sort, and have a great day with his family. That being said, I’m sure I’m exonerated me from any guilt.
In the meanwhile, FCUK YOU HONKING TAILGATER.
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